Thou Shalt State Thy Trust

It was the first time I had all the boys together since the Ryan Tanner incident.

I decided to play a trust game with them.

BOONE: Why do we have to do this?
ME: Because I think we need to figure out where we all stand as far as trust goes.
BOWIE: I hate everybody.
ME: We've established that, but I'm talking about trust.
BYRON: So what do we do?
ME: We look at each other and say either 'I trust you' or 'I don't trust you.'

Silence.

BRODY: I think I saw that on Dr. Phil.

More silence.

BRODY: I think it ended with blood.

Despite the protestations, I got everybody in a circle.

ME: Okay, I'll start. I trust all of you.
BOWIE: Bull.
ME: I do!
BOWIE: You have to say that.
ME: Fine, Bowie. You go.
BOWIE: I told you. I don't like any of you.
ME: But what about trust?
BOWIE: Same thing.
ME: You're not serious.
BOWIE: Totally.

Okay, that stung.

ME: Boone, your turn.
BOONE: Um, I trust you.

Okay, that's one.

BOONE: I trust Brody, I guess.
BRODY: Wow, thanks.
BOONE: And I don't really trust the other two.
BOWIE: Shocker.
BYRON: Wait, why?
ME: Byron--
BYRON: No, why do you not trust me?
BOONE: I just don't.
BYRON: Well, I don't trust you either!
ME: Don't let what he said--
BOONE: Fine! Don't trust me.

Brody raised his hand.

BRODY: I trust everyone but Bowie!
BOWIE: This is why I don't trust anyone!
BRODY: You said you don't trust me!
BOWIE: Because I know you don't trust me!
BYRON: I trust everyone but Boone.
BOWIE: Why do you trust me? You're an idiot.
BYRON: Hey!

Pretty soon everyone was shouting and the circle was on the verge of becoming a wrestling ring.

ME: HEY!

Everyone looked at me.

ME: Is there any chance you guys can act civil for just five minutes?

Silence.

BRODY: HOW CAN YOU--
BYRON: YOU'RE SUCH A--
BOONE: I CAN'T STAND THE--
BOWIE: --HATE YOU ALL!

They made it ten seconds.