Saturday, September 4, 2010

Thou Shalt Cleanse Thy Facebook

My first lesson with Blake involved Facebook.

BLAKE: Oh my God! Are we going to compare mutual friends?

This was going to be a bloodbath.

ME: No, we're going to delete friends.


BLAKE: I'm going to have to cry and then kill you.

Since it was clear that Blake's life was full of drama, I thought the first place to clear away the social debris was the social network.

ME: Blake, your Facebook is a magnet for trouble.
BLAKE: What are you talking about?
ME: You have four relationships, four break-ups, a feud with some guy named 'Stoney Joe,' and nineteen passive aggressive statuses with hearts all on the same day of newsfeed.
BLAKE: That's called a life, K-Broc.
ME: That's called we're hitting the restart button.

I decided to take things slow.

First we defriended everyone that Blake wasn't actually friends with--

BLAKE: NO! Not Taylor!
ME: You like Taylor?
BLAKE: I loathe Taylor.
ME: So why are you friends with Taylor?
BLAKE: Keep your friends close.
ME: And defriend your enemies.
BLAKE: Ugh, I hate slash love slash wanna punch you.
ME: Slash your friends list, then we'll talk.

By the time we were done defriending and removing embarrassing posts from his wall, all he had was--

BLAKE: My favorite movies and a wall post from my grandma.

Well, it's a start.

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