Saturday, September 11, 2010

Thou Shalt Introduce Thyself

I was out with Bowie at the club for our next lesson.

BOWIE: Is this where I learn to backhand people so hard they have a mark the next day?

At least he's getting excited about his education.

ME: I want you to introduce yourself.
BOWIE: To who?
ME: To--

I motioned towards the entire room.

ME: --Everyone.

Bowie looked like 'The Scream.'

BOWIE: Are you joking?
ME: Not even a little bit.
BOWIE: But I don't know the people I don't know here for a reason.
ME: What's the reason?
BOWIE: They're ugly and/or I just don't like them.
ME: If you've never met them, how do you know you don't like them?
BOWIE: Did you not hear the part about them being ugly?

For that, I gave him extra homework.

ME: Not only are you introducing yourself to everyone, I want you to say hi to the people you do know.
BOWIE: All right, now you're just being crazy.
ME: What's wrong with that?
BOWIE: You being crazy?
ME: Bowie--
BOWIE: Kevin, I like who I like, and I dislike who I dislike.
ME: Well, the last time I checked, one list was significantly longer than the other.
BOWIE: I don't need that many friends.
ME: Fine, but one day you're not going to be some hot little asshole anymore, Bowie, and when you're not, you're going to need all the friends you can get. Now start making friends before I teach you that backhand.

It took him nearly an hour, but he managed to do the entire bar.

Wow, that sounds really bar.

At the end of the night, he looked exhausted, but also sort of exhilarated.

ME: Meet anybody you misjudged?
BOWIE: Maybe a few people.
ME: See? Being kind is fun!
BOWIE: Tell that to the three guys who called me a dickhead and the one guy who threw a drink in my face.
ME: Huh?
BOWIE: Maybe you don't realize this, Kevin, but I've been a jerk for a long time. If you want to help me, you're going to have to help cleanse my reputation. I'm not some newbie to the scene, okay? If anything, maybe I should just bail on it altogether.

He slammed some money on the bar for his drink, and walked away.

It looks like this was going to be a much harder challenge than I thought.

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