Thou Shalt Dizzy Up the Girl

Byron was going to break up with Kira.

I had them set up a date at the Brewhouse. That way if things got loud, nobody would notice.

BYRON: This is going to be a disaster.
ME: I'll be right here at the other table if you need me.
BYRON: How many drinks should I have her order before I tell her I like guys?
ME: I'd order rubbing alcohol and go from there.

Kira showed up looking lovely.

Fantastic.

Maybe she can leave here with a new boyfriend.

From my vantage point, I could overhear their conversation and still enjoy my burger.

Hey, a professor has to eat.

Everything was going along fine until Byron revealed the reason for the dinner.

KIRA: You're gay?
BYRON: Uh...yes.
KIRA: Oh my God.
BYRON: Look, I know this must be a--
KIRA: I can't believe you finally figured it out.

Wait, what?

BYRON: You mean you knew?
KIRA: Of course I knew.
BYRON: But we were dating.
KIRA: And it was fun. I guess this means you want to break up?

Okay, time for me to step in.

ME: Hi. Sorry to interrupt.
KIRA: Aren't you that guy from the party?
ME: Why yes, I am.
KIRA: Are you new Byron's new boyfriend? Because I think he can do better.
ME: I'm not--HEY!
BYRON: Kira, if you knew I was gay, why did you keep seeing me?
KIRA: Because you're cute, you're sweet, and straight men suck.
ME: So you took advantage of him?
KIRA: Or he took advantage of me depending on how you look at it. You have to admit, Byron, I was a pretty damn good beard.
ME: Who says beard anymore?
BYRON: She has a point, Kev.

Somehow at the end of this, we all ended up sitting around, drinking beer and eating burgers.

I would say Byron's first step out of the closet was a huge success.

Let's hope his luck doesn't run out.