I decided to take the Rich Tanner situation into my own hands, and I brought Brody along with me so he could see how well I mediate.
Rich met us at the Brewhouse, and from the minute he sat down, I knew this was going to be--
RICH: Well, if it isn't the whore's life coach.
BRODY: Kevin, maybe we shouldn't--
ME: It's fine. He's upset. Rich, you're upset. I can see that.
RICH: I'm not upset. Everyone in town knows your friend is a whore. I won.
BRODY: You know, people who live in glass brothels--
RICH: Excuse me?
ME: Civil! We're staying civil!
Clearly, Ryan was stung by the fact that his boyfriend was fooling around with Bowie on the side, but since he himself was fooling around with Byron--
God, this was getting confusing.
ME: Rich, quick question, how did you find out about Bowie and your boyfriend?
His eyebrow went up.
From this point on, in order for him to keep smearing Bowie, he'd have to admit that he'd done some smear-worthy stuff himself.
RICH: A source.
BRODY: A source? Who are you? Woodward or Bernstein?
RICH: A friend.
ME: A good friend or a great friend?
RICH: What's the difference?
ME: You see a lot more of one than the other.
The most important thing to remember when mediating? Let them know you mean business.
RICH: Maybe I acted a little too hasty.
ME: I'd say there's a good chance of that.
RICH: But I would still ask that you keep your little protege away from my boyfriend.
ME: And I would ask that you stop hanging around that 'friend' of yours.
BRODY: Why should he--
RICH: Or else what?
ME: Or else someone might just drop a house on you.
He smiled. We understood each other.
Then he got up and left.
BRODY: That was awesome. Can you teach me to do that?
Finally, a little respect.