Thou Shalt Sneer No More

Bowie was definitely going to be my toughest student.

BOWIE: So if I help you win this bet, you'll split the money with me?

So I may have offered him up some initiative...

ME: If you still want the money after the process, sure.
BOWIE: Ohhh, I'm going to want the money.
ME: You may feel that becoming a better person is payment enough for--
BOWIE: Yeah, yeah, what do I have to do? Adopt an orphan or something?

Step one with Bowie was going to be something simple.

ME: No more sneering.
BOWIE: Beg your pardon?
ME: You sneer at people. It's not nice.
BOWIE: And you know all about nice?

Apparently, someone's never read my other blogs.

ME: Why don't you try smiling?
BOWIE: Why don't you tickle my--
ME: Half the cash!
BOWIE: Ughhh--I only make faces when I have to.
ME: Which is how often?
BOWIE: Um, like now, because you're being a moron.

Baby steps, baby steps.

ME: Let me say something sort of...um...
BOWIE: Stupid?
ME: Interesting! And I want you to just listen and not judge me.
BOWIE: Okay fine. Do I have to--
ME: You don't have to smile. Just try not to look disdainful.
BOWIE: Let's get this over with.

Phrase #1: My boyfriend is so amazing. I don't see him much because he lives in Seattle, but I'm sure he's not cheating or anything.

Bowie looked like a monster was trying to climb out of his throat. Still, he kept the poker face.

Phrase #2: This guy totally wants me. He texted me last week and said he didn't want to talk to me anymore, but he's just playing hard to get. It's so obvi.

I saw Bowie's hands grip the table we were stiting at and go white--but no facial expression.

Phrase #3: How does this shirt look?

BOWIE: I CAN'T! I CAN'T DO IT!

This was going to be fun.