Dealing with Bowie is a little bit like dealing with a political crisis.
Luckily, I'm a veritable gay C.J. Cregg.
ME: I want to do a photoshoot with you.
BOWIE: No way. I'm still paying blackmail for the last time.
ME: Not that kind of--are these photos still in existence?
BOWIE: Ha ha. Give me the deets.
Facebook is a beautiful personal promotional tool. I thought if I took some photos of Bowie looking kinder and more relaxed, people might start changing their opinion of him.
BOWIE: Do I seriously have to hold this puppy?
ME: People love puppies.
BOWIE: People love chocolate too. Can't I hold a Nestles Crunch?
ME: Just try to look happy and easy-going?
BOWIE: The puppy is shedding. This is a new shirt.
ME: Then go put on another shirt.
BOWIE: You said you wanted me to look relaxed. This is my relaxed shirt.
ME: You don't look relaxed.
BOWIE: That's because this puppy feels like it's going to pee on MY BRAND NEW SHIRT!
I decided to try a different approach.
BOWIE: Where did you find a kitten?
ME: Don't ask. If a little girl comes by here crying, you don't know anything.
BOWIE: I'm allergic to cats.
ME: But you're not allergic to dogs?
ME: That's weird.
BOWIE: Sorry, my allergies don't follow your laws of logic.
Then we tried Bowie in a fountain looking carefree and Italian.
BOWIE: I'm probably catching something by being in this fountain.
ME: Scoop up some pennies and throw them in the air!
ME: DON'T QUESTION THE PHOTOGRAPHER!
By the end of the day, we were exhausted, but I did manage to get some good shots.
ME: Bowie, I only have one photo in my hand. This photo will determine whether or not you're in the running to become America's Next Top--
BOWIE: Just show me the damn photo.
It was a photo of him holding the kitten away from himself while sneezing eight times in a row.
BOWIE: I look ridiculous.
ME: It'll help your intimidation factor.
BOWIE: Or at least get me laughed at.
ME: Same thing.
I might have another career on my hands.