Monday, September 20, 2010

Thou Shalt Put on the Pounds

I'm at a severe disadvantage with Boone.

He's attractive.

BOONE: Yee-uh.

It's hard to make someone see the error of their ways if the rest of the world is content to keep helping them err.

So, I decided to do a little social experiment.

BOONE: You want me to wear a fat suit?
ME: I want you to see the world through different eyes.
BOONE: You mean Oliver Platt's eyes?
ME: Put on the suit. We're going out.
BOONE: To where? The Wing Nut Buffet?
ME: Not even close.

I took Boone to a house party at a school where he doesn't know anyone.

Boone thought maybe his charm would help him win some ladies over even with a much larger...persona.

Not so much.

BOONE: Hey, do you like--
RANDOM GIRL: I'd like it if you could move out of my way. Thanks.

He was shocked.

BOONE: That girl was a four and a half, a five tops! She should be happy I even glanced at her!
ME: Looks like you're hovering around the three-mark, Boone.
BOONE: I will NEVER be a three! NEVER!

Unfortunately, a house full of drunken people disagreed.

Boone didn't any attention, and when he did, it came in the form of dirty looks.

BOONE: This sucks!
ME: Yee-uh, it does.
BOONE: But you know what? Now I realize something.
ME: That good lucks are fleeting so you have to develop other character traits?
BOONE: No, I realized that I actually hooked up with that first girl who rejected me and she was terrible! I'm going to take off this suit, go inside, and remind her what she used to beg for!

Admittedly, some nuts are a bit harder to crack.

At least I got photos of him in the suit.

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