Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Thou Shalt Not Tease the Gays

One thing Boone is not is homophobic.

BOONE: I love the gays!

He loves the gays.

Perhaps...a little too much.

BOONE: Last night, I went out to this gay bar and danced shirtless on the bar with my two gay friends.
ME: Bad.
ME: Really bad?

He was confused.

Maybe you are too.

Let me help you out.

ME: Boone, you're teasing the gays.
ME: You're a good-looking guy--
BOONE: Thanks!
ME: --And you're letting them believe they stand a chance with you.
BOONE: No, I'm not! I'm just having fun!
ME: Going to a gay bar and taking off your shirt isn't having fun. It's you giving false hope.

Boone looked crestfallen. Clearly, I was the first gay man to tell him to put his shirt back on.

BOONE: So I can't go where I want now because people will get the wrong idea?
ME: No, people will get the wrong idea if you GIVE them the wrong idea. You can go wherever you want, just act like a grown-up. A straight grown-up who doesn't look like he'd go down on you if you got him drunk enough.
BOONE: Well, you never know--
ME: You're saying that because you're mad I'm not into you, right?
BOONE: God, it's like you have crystal balls.

I'm going to take that as a compliment.

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