Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Thou Shalt Raise Thy Expectations

I was trying to help Blake weed out his less-than-stellar associates.

BLAKE: This is the guy I hook up with on Wednesdays.

Okay, maybe my wording was a little fancy.

ME: Why only on Thursdays?
BLAKE: That's when his girlfriend visits her dying mother.
ME: I'm not even going to touch that one.

After we went through his Facebook, the next step was to help him evaluate who he spends time with on a regular basis.

I had him print out photos of all his friends and write down how he feels about them next to their pictures.

ME: Why does this photo have 'hot hot hot' next to it?
BLAKE: Um, are you not looking at him?
ME: I wanted actual personality traits, Blake.
BLAKE: So I should have written 'yummy?'
ME: Do you know anything about any of these people?


BLAKE: I know most of their first names.

It was time to raise Blake's expectation.

ME: This is going to be fun.
BLAKE: Really?
ME: Of course not, but we're going to do it anyway.

Sometimes life is like an episode of Clean House--and you just need to do a yard sale.

ME: Does that person contribute anything to your life?
BLAKE: Tons.
ME: Aside from sex and booze?
BLAKE: Okay, nothing.
ME: Then they're out.

By the time we were done, Blake had one photo left.

BLAKE: But this is your photo.
ME: And you wrote 'lame dumb poop' on it.
BLAKE: I didn't think you'd actually read that...
ME: It's okay. I've been called worse.

It looks like it's time to get Blake new friends.

No comments:

Post a Comment