Saturday, September 18, 2010

Thou Shalt Recognize Thy Desires

Byron was not pleased that I cut off his benefits.

BYRON: Who do you think you are?

I get that a lot.

The fact is, Rich Tanner and Byron having a fling wasn't going to do anybody any good.

Like a lot of men in the closet, Byron likes to fool around with guys and then act like he's your typical heterosexual. The guys he does this with don't mind because it absolves them of having to call the next day.

It's a win-win unless you count how psychologically f**ked up it all is.

BYRON: You had no right to scare off Rich.
ME: You mean when I scared him back into the arms of his boyfriend?
BYRON: So now you're judging me?
ME: I'm judging your actions.
BYRON: What does that mean?
ME: It's just another way of saying I'm judging you.

I could see Byron was going through sexual detox. He was in need of physical interaction with a guy, and the stronger that need became while remaining unsatisfied, the harder it would be for him to pretend it wasn't real.

BYRON: I feel like my head is going to explode.
ME: That's personal growth.
BYRON: I want to hit you.
ME: That's also personal growth.
BYRON: What else is personal growth?
ME: Pretty much everything. That's why personal growth is so awesome.
BYRON: That tree?
ME: Personal growth.

We started talking more about what it is he wants.

BYRON: It's just hard, you know? Because I don't have a type. I don't know what sort of guy I'd be into. I know what sort of girl I'd like.
ME: What kind of girl is that?
BYRON: Funny, spontaneous, loves a good burger.
ME: There are funny, spontaneous guys who love burgers.
BYRON: I know, it's

I put my hand on his shoulder.

ME: New can be great.
BYRON: New is personal growth?
ME: Yup.
BYRON: And that bench over there?
ME: No, that's just a bench.

He laughed.

It's a start.

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