Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Thou Shalt Play Nice

It was the first time I was having all the boys sit down to dinner together.

BLAKE: This is just like the Housewives reunion!

I should have known better.

I thought maybe they could all get to know each other better, and help become a support system for each other.

BOWIE: Before we begin, is this twinkie high?
BOONE: Yo, I'm not a twinkie. I'm straight.
BOWIE: Of course you are, you're not the cute one.

Byron was looking uncomfortable. I told everyone that he was also straight, and was just looking for ways to become more open.

BOWIE: You want to be open?
BYRON: Um, yes.
BOWIE: I think I can help with that.
ME: Down, Bowie.
BLAKE: Oh my God! Your name is Bowie? That's wicked Gossip Girl.
BOWIE: Are you even a person?

Blake looked like he'd been slapped--which, he pretty much was.

BOONE: Why don't you back off?
BOWIE: Why don't you talk less?
BYRON: You know, I probably shouldn't even be here.
BLAKE: Um, I'm totally a person.
BOWIE: Why do you have two straights in this experiment? Isn't one token enough?

I could see it was a mistake to bring a pork chop (Byron) so close to a tiger (Bowie).

ME: Byron, you do have that thing to go to.
BYRON: What thing?
ME: The colonoscopy.

Hey, I had to come up with something.

BOWIE: There goes my appetite.
BOONE: Well, you did just eat a small child earlier.
BOWIE: You can suck my left--
ME: Okay, dinner's over!

Blake tugged on my sleeve, pointed at Bowie, and whispered--

BLAKE: Are you going to teach him not to be mean?

The tall orders keep on coming.

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