Thou Shalt Let Anthony Do the Cooking

It's not that I can't cook.

BRAD: I wouldn't call it 'cooking.'
ME: What would you call it?
BRAD: Food poisoning.

It's just what I cook isn't always...edible.

ANTHONY: This is where the stereotypical Italian guy comes in to save the day.
ME: Hey! I'm Italian.
ANTHONY: One fourth.
BRAD: That means one fourth out of every meal he makes will look like actual food.

Anthony, as part of "Turn the Tables Week," wanted to give me and Brad a cooking lesson.

BRAD: Will we be cooking with sherry?
ME: Who's Sherry?
BRAD: And you don't drink. Are you sure you're human?

We were going to start small--salad--and work our way up to difficult--dessert.

We never made it to "slightly harder than easy."

You see, Anthony asked me to boil water.

BRAD: Should I call the fire department now?
ME: Brad, nobody screws up boiling water.

I screwed up. I estimated that it would take a couple of minutes for the water to boil so I started in on the entree, which was supposed to be chicken with some stuff on it (see, I know technical terms).

I was putting together aforementioned "stuff" when the water started boiling over onto the stove.

ANTHONY: Kev! The water!

That wouldn't have been so bad except that I had set the salad bowl down next to the boiling water--don't ask, I never said I had common sense--which turned the salad into hot lettuce soup.

(Which, by the way, is a delicacy in Austria.)

BRAD: Where's Meryl when you need her?

The chicken might have been salvageable if the stuff I put on it hadn't turned into something that looked more than a little like mucous.

ANTHONY: You didn't add an egg to that, did you?
ME: Should I not have?
BRAD: Why would you randomly add an egg to something?
ME: Because that's what people who cook do! They add eggs to things! Everything has egg on it!
BRAD: Including your face at the moment.

We ended up doing what I do best.

Ordering in.

Hey, maybe once this week is over that could be a new rule...

"Thou Shalt Know the Best Chinese Take-Out"

Just a thought.