Saturday, August 8, 2009

Thou Shalt Get the Gang All Here

I didn't want to have to do it.

ME: Hey, it's me. I need a little help.

I really didn't want to.

ME: It's Scooter. He's back.

I mean, you know I love a good reunion.

ME: No, I don't think we'll need a taser.

But not like this. Never like this.

ME: Do I need to say it...Rally?

It's come down to this.

Prisms--Friday night--Karaoke.

Just like old times.

Aaron, AJ, Anthony, Alicia--even Brad--were all out and enjoying themselves with their new leader.


ME: Let's bust this party up.

Coming in from the left, we have Dwight.

DWIGHT: Hi, you must be Aaron.
AARON: Uh, yeah. Hi.
DWIGHT: I'm Dwight. I'm friends with Scooter.
AARON: Oh cool. Nice to meet you.
DWIGHT: You guys dated, right?
AARON: Yeah, for a little while. We've been reconnecting over the past few days.
DWIGHT: Aw, that's bad.
AARON: How come?
DWIGHT: Well, I actually think you're kind of cute.
AARON: Oh, well, it's not that serious yet--
DWIGHT: Yeah, but I can't take a chance on my health.
AARON: Your health?
DWIGHT: Yeah, I mean, I know Scooter is really conscious about when he's having outbreaks, but you just can't chance something like that.

Coming in from the right, we have Turner.

TURNER: Hey there, AJ.
AJ: Oh hey. Do I know you?
TURNER: Not yet, but you will.
AJ: Huh?
TURNER: You know, later tonight, when we...
AJ: We?
TURNER: You know! You, me, Scooter--
AJ: Are you talking about a--
TURNER: Look, I just want to run a few things by you, okay?
AJ: Uh...
TURNER: You're into food, right?
AJ: Food?
TURNER: You know, having someone eat baby food off of you?
AJ: Whoa, what--
TURNER: Because Scooter said you'd love it. He said he hasn't done that with you yet, but that now you're comfortable with him and--
AJ: I'm not THAT comfortable.
TURNER: Does this mean the whipping is out too?

Bringing up the rear (hehe), we have Nick.

NICK: Yo, Anthony.
ANTHONY: Yo--do I know you?
NICK: Bitch, you better know me. You owe me money.
NICK: Scooter said you're the one he borrowed money for, which means you're the one I'm collecting from.
ANTHONY: Hey, I don't know anything about any money.
NICK: Oh, you don't, huh? I suppose you don't know anything about the JuJu either?
ANTHONY: What the hell is Juju?
NICK: Newest club drug. Scooter says you're hooked.
ANTHONY: That's bull, man!
NICK: Oh, so he's lying, huh? I thought that was your boy?
ANTHONY: He was--is--uh--
NICK: So you're not smuggling some JuJu in your rectum right now?

Finally, we have Brian--to seal the deal.

ALICIA: You're--?
BRIAN: Scooter's bff!
ALICIA: Oh my God! So nice to meet you!
BRIAN: He said you're the coolest girl ever!
ALICIA: Did he really say that?
BRIAN: Totally. And can I just tell you, it's such a relief to know that he finally met someone who doesn't care about his past.
ALICIA: Oh, I don't--which part of his past?
BRIAN: Hahaha, you're funny. Scooter said you were funny.
ALICIA: Well, I am whimsical but--
BRIAN: You'd have to have a sense of humor to overlook three domestic violence arrests, I guess.

And just like that, Scooter toppled.

Not only did everyone strand him at the club, but my phone starting vibrating like an easy chair at Sharper Image.

AJ: Can I go back to school now?
ALICIA: I'm scarring on the inside.

To show that there were no hard feelings, me and the boys took Scooter out to IHOP.

SCOOTER: So you got rid of me. Are you happy?
ME: I didn't want to get rid of you. I just wanted you to stop sabotaging my fledglings.
TURNER: It was actually kind of fun taking you down a notch, Scooter.
BRIAN: I'm sorry, but when was it not fun?
DWIGHT: That Aaron kid gave me his number.
ME: That's actually the number to the West Warwick Public Library.
DWIGHT: Are you serious?
ME: Thou Shalt Not Give Out Thy Number to Republicans, Dwight.

It was good to have some laughs with old friends.

NICK: I hated having to black it up like that. I felt like Pam Grier.
ME: You all did fantastic.
SCOOTER: I guess this means I'm heading back to Boston.
ME: You don't hate me, do you?
SCOOTER: Actually, I miss you a lot. Why don't you come visit more?
BRIAN: Please, he doesn't even visit me and I'm his best friend.
TURNER: Uh, I believe I'm the one due for a visit.

Normally I'd say I don't like being fought over by boys--but like this...

BRAD: I'll come visit all of you. No wonder there are no cute boys left in Rhode Island--they all moved.

...I make exceptions to the rules.

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