Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Thou Shalt Let AJ Dress Thee

It was AJ's turn to turn the tables.

Being the original thinker that he is, he realized I could use a new attire.

AJ: Kev, your car's beyond hope. I'm talking about your clothes.
ME: No, AJ, 'attire' is--never mind.

Normally, whenever I walk into a clothing store, I fall into a pile and start hyperventilating.

In the event that I needed to be sedated, AJ brought along back-up.

BRAD: I was promised cocktails.
ME: Since when does American Eagle offer drinks while you shop?
BRAD: I wouldn't step foot in American Eagle unless I was planning to move to a shack in the woods and pretend I liked girls.
AJ: I used to work at American Eagle!
BRAD: Point taken?
ME: Point taken.

The first store we went to was a little too preppy for me. Everything AJ put me in made me look like I was headed to play polo with my fellow Bulldogs.

AJ: You look stupid.
ME: Aren't you supposed to be helping?
BRAD: I agree with stupid.
ME: Next store.

The second store was a little too model-y. I'd have to have a heroin addiction to look good in any of their clothes.

BRAD: I'm buying half of what you just tried on.
ME: Uh, Brad--
BRAD: Intervention me later. I need to look good now.
AJ: Next store.

The third store we tried was one of those gay, trendy stores where everything you buy will be passe in about two days.

AJ: God, I forgot they put out the August line!
ME: There's a line for every month?
AJ: Some months have two lines. Like October.
ME: Why October?
AJ: Pre-Halloween, Post-Halloween.
ME: Where do you get the actual Halloween costume?
BRAD: That would be the--NEXT STORE!

By the time we'd hit our sixth store, I was exhausted, and half the stuff I bought just didn't seem to fit me.

AJ: Sorry K-Brock. I guess I failed.
ME: You didn't fail.
BRAD: No, of course you didn't. Kevin's just a fashion disaster.
ME: Thanks Brad.
BRAD: He sucks everybody into the black hole of his horrific style.
ME: Again, Brad, thank you.
BRAD: He's just a walking--

I did manage to find one shirt I liked...

I returned it three days later, but at the time, it was quite smashing.

I guess, like fashion, I'm just very of the moment.

BRAD: Or a plane crash in the middle of a trainwreck.

Yeah, or that.

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