Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Thou Shalt Evaluate Thy Hang-Out

Before I got to high school, I assumed I would have a cool hang-out.

You know, like...oh I don't know...let's say...

ALICIA: The Max.
AJ: Holler.

High school immediately became a huge letdown when I found out there was no cool hang-out to chill at after school where the waiter knew magic tricks and where they had dance contests hosted by Casey Kasem.

Some people probably preferred The Peach Pit.

Those people are not my friends.

So I was really happy when the proteges told me they'd found a new place to hang out.

Then I went there.

BRAD: Oh, they have GOT to be kidding me.

The place was filled with college kids, which would not be a bad thing, except that none of my proteges are actually IN college.

AARON: Isn't this place awesome? Everyone keeps calling me wise...Wise is hot, right?
ME: Yes, Aaron. That's how Yoda became the sex symbol he is today.

Granted, it was a step up from Prisms, but there was wayyy too much temptation to play with the jailbait.

ME: Anthony, tell me you haven't actually fraternized with any of these guys.
ANTHONY: If by fraternized you mean--
ME: Yup. You have. I don't need to hear what it is you think I meant.
BRAD: Do they serve anything here that doesn't come in a darkly tinted bottle?
AARON: That's called beer, Brad.
BRAD: I'm sorry--what?

Alicia was even having fun--which meant we were really in trouble.

ALICIA: This makes me want to go back to school!
ME: Were you ever in school in the first place?
ALICIA: I took a class.
ME: Creative writing?
ALICIA: How did you know?
ME: Lucky guess.

(Every time someone "takes a class" it's in Creative Writing.)

I managed to haul everyone out of the dive before beer pong started up. I don't have any objections to beer pong except when it's happening on a Tuesday night at eight o'clock.

AARON: Why do you have to ruin all our fun?
ME: Because that's how I have my fun.
AJ: K-Brock, summer's almost over and we're still not classy.
ANTHONY: And none of us have boyfriends.
ALICIA: And some of us are considering joining a religious order.
AARON: How did you know!

I guess I'm going into the home stretch with a few handicaps.


This is what happens when you make me go to a sports bar.

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