Thou Shalt Not Be a Doormat

Aaron has a problem.

BRAD: What else is new?

Every time he goes out, he seems to get stepped on over and over again.

AARON: Kevin, it's horrible. I'll be talking to someone really cool and then this guy comes over and totally slams me.
ME: Pick a new verb.
AARON: He makes fun of me.
ME: Gotcha. What's his name?
AARON: Tommy.

Oh fan-fucking-tastic.

Take a look at how I met Tommy.

(http://100dates100boys.blogspot.com/2006/07/date-2-doing-time.html)

Good to know he's back reeking havoc on the general populace.

ME: Aaron, how do you keep running into everyone I don't like?
AARON: It's a large pool of people to draw from?

I invited Brad over Aaron's house so we could come up with strategies for taking down Tommy.

ME: You just need to level him. If he starts spouting those catty lines at you, you spout right back!
BRAD: The word 'spout' is really disturbing me.
AARON: I thought you were against being catty?
ME: I'm against AJ being catty, because he's already so good at it people know not to mess with him. They don't know that about you yet, and you don't want a reputation of being a doormat.
AARON: But I'm not good at putting people down.
ME: It's not about putting him down. It's an opportunity to raise yourself up.
AARON: You mean like saying--Hey Tommy, God loves you.
BRAD: I better get more wine. It's going to be a long night.

The next night at the club, Brad and I hung back while Aaron found a chance to talk to a guy at the bar. Sure enough, a few moments later, there was Tommy.

BRAD: He's cute.
ME: He's crazy.
BRAD: All the cute ones are.

I wasn't too worried. I'd given Aaron enough quips to fill up a Noel Coward play. Tommy said something, then Aaron replied and the guy he was talking to laughed. Tommy was instantly crestfallen and walked away.

ME: SCORE!

...Of course, he walked right over to me.

ME: Wait, the judges are deliberating on that score.

He was smiling, but I could tell he wasn't pleased to see me.

TOMMY: Hello Kevin.
ME: Hi Tommy, how are you?
TOMMY: Not thrilled. I see you're back in action with another little blog.
ME: Just a little project, nothing major.
BRAD: We're hoping to get it on HBO right after Stupid Vampires and Stupid Therapists.
TOMMY: Do your little proteges know that you're blogging about them?
ME: Nice try, Tommy, but I'm much more honest about stuff like that then I used to be. All of them know about the blog and they don't mind.
TOMMY: Really? That's great. I wonder if everybody would feel that way.
ME: I guess I picked the right four people then.
TOMMY: No, I meant everybody in the literal sense--as in EVERYBODY.

I felt my blood run cold. It's fun to think that people read what I write, but if more people in Providence knew about the blog, it would completely defeat the purpose of what I was doing.

It would be like bringing vodka into Promises.

ME: Tommy, I'd appreciate--
TOMMY: I'd appreciate reciprocation if you want me to stay quiet.
BRAD: Well look at Dr. Seuss.
ME: Stop, Brad.

Tommy was really smiling now--a rat practically fell out of his mouth.

TOMMY: I'll be in touch.

He walked away, this time for good.

BRAD: So much for not being a doormat, huh?
ME: Apparently you didn't hear the doorbell.

There's a wolf at the front door.