Friday, October 1, 2010

Thou Shalt Take Up Thy Lasers

Boone showed up at my door.

BOONE: Hey brojangles!
ME: Boone?
BOONE: Yeah?
ME: What are you doing here?
BOONE: I wanted to hang out.
ME: But there's no lesson scheduled today.
BOONE: So we can't hang out unless there's a lesson?
ME: Um, no, I didn't mean that. I just--
BOONE: Great! Throw some shoes on, and I'll pull the car around.


We pulled up in front of what looked like an arcade.

ME: Boone, I'm not a big fan of arcades. It's gambling without the promise of winnings.
BOONE: We're not going to the arcade.
ME: But what--
BOONE: We're going to laser tag!

Oh f**k me.

I'm about as good at laser tag as the Venus de Milo is at mini-golf.

We met a few of Boone's friend, and split up into two teams.

BOONE: My team is Team Destructor. What's your team name?
ME: The New Mickey Mouse Club?
BOONE: Sounds terrifying. Let's do this.

Boone's Team Destructor took out two of my guys immediately, but that's when my competitive spirit kicked in, and Team MMC wiped out everybody but Boone, who took to hiding in the back corner where it was rumored he went crazy and watched 'The Last Tango in Paris' on a loop.

...Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration.

When we were done, Boone and I shook hands.

BOONE: You're a killer, K-Broc.
ME: You should see me play Monopoly.
BOONE: What?
ME: Never mind.
BOONE: You want to grab dinner?
ME: I would, but I'm having dinner with Brad.
BOONE: Oh...okay...well, it was nice seeing you.
ME: Yeah, I'll see you at the next group session.
BOONE: Yup. Later.

It might have been just me, but he seemed...really sad.

BRAD: Oh my God, you snagged a gay.
ME: What are you talking about? Boone isn't gay. He's the token straight guy.
BRAD: All the signs are there.
ME: What signs?
BRAD: He likes laser tag.
ME: All gays like laser tag?
BRAD: Except me. I wouldn't be caught dead there.
ME: You picked Boone to be one of my students! If he's gay, you should have known.
BRAD: I've been fooled before. You should see me in Utah. I'm like a blind man in the forest.

If Boone is gay...

...I'm going to need a new lesson plan.

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